Losing Myself
by kailynsalvatore
Summary: Bella and Edward have been in a complicated relationship for over five years with both of them living on opposite sides of the country. They have a son together and a daughter on the way, but their relationship is beginning to crumble because of Edward's secret: he's married. How will Bella and Edward survive? Will Edward choose Bella and his kids or his wife?
1. Chapter 1

**Standard Disclaimer: I do not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended. The characters belong to the beautiful and talented Stephenie Meyer.**

Story Summary: Bella and Edward have been in a complicated relationship for over five years with both of them living on opposite sides of the country. They have a son together and a daughter on the way, but their relationship is beginning to crumble because of Edward's secret: he's married. How will Bella and Edward survive? Will Edward choose Bella and his kids or his wife?

Part I-Bella POV

"Edward, this is not going to work anymore. I refuse to bring our daughter in this chaos. It's time for you to make a decision." Bella said to her boyfriend of five years.

"Bella, it's not that easy. I can't just leave my wife." Edward replied.

"Why not? Masen is 3 and our daughter will be here in three months. Your son sees you one week out of every month. We were supposed to be done with this before Masen was born, Edward." Bella said shocked.

"You knew what you were getting into when we first got together. We fell in love, Bella, in the middle of some complicated circumstances. I told you that I would leave my wife when the time was right and I fully intend to keep my promise. You just have to give me time." Edward said.

Bella ran soothing circles on her large belly, where their daughter was doing somersaults on her ribs, before looking up at Edward with a concerned face.

"Edward, you live in New York and we live in Washington. You have a successful life out there with the perfect wife, perfect siblings, and perfect family. Masen hasn't even met your siblings or your parents. I'm just scared that you are going to get tired of living the double life and forget about us. Yes, we live comfortably because of you but that is not enough anymore. We need you with us." Bella pleaded.

"Right now, you guys can't be with me, Bella. My company is about to go public internationally and I am under a lot of pressure from the board members." Edward said.

"In other words, you don't want anyone to know about us. How long am I supposed to stay a secret? How long is your son? It's not fair to Masen, Edward. He didn't ask for this. He was born into this catastrophe." Bella said.

"I know, Bella, but what do you expect me to do? I can't just up and leave her with no explanation. I at least owe her that." Edward said.

"Have you at least filed for divorce from her?" Bella asked.

"I have been looking into it, Bella. These things take time. They are not gonna just happen overnight. I am doing the best that I can." Edward said.

"Things have to change, Edward. You have to change. I refuse to be put in the background while you gallivant around town with your wife. You're not happy with her. You're happy with me and Masen. So just leave her and come home. Stay home, please." Bella said with threatening tears in her eyes.

"Baby, look. Everything will be fine. We will be fine and things will work out the way that we want. Someday, you will meet my family. Masen will meet his cousins. And once the divorce is final, we will be able to be together. We just have to give it time." Edward said as he wiped the tears from her face.

"Time? It seems as if all I have ever given is time, Edward. I just…" Bella didn't get to finish. Their conversation were interrupted by the sound of Edward's phone ringing. By the expression on his face, Bella knew that it was his wife calling.

"Sorry, Bella, but I have to take this." Edward said pleadingly.

"Are you serious? If you answer that phone, you can enjoy the couch tonight. Do not knock on my door before you leave in the morning. After all, you have to get back home to wifey." Bella said seriously.

Edward looked at Bella before pressing the green button and answering. Bella looked at Edward shocked before walking to their bedroom and slamming the door before the tears threatened to fall. She was desperately in love with a married man and the mother of his only child. With no other family, how in the hell was she going to get herself out of this mess?

Waking up the next morning, Bella walked into the living room to see Edward's suitcases gone and a note on the glass living room table. She picked up the note and noticed Edward's handwriting.

My Sweet Bella,

I am so sorry for the pain that I am causing you and Masen, but if there was an easier way around this I would taken it in a heartbeat. Me and you were never supposed to fall in love, but we did and I would never change that for the world. I will fix this, Bella. I promise. Give Masen a kiss for you. Call you soon.

Love,

Edward

Bella sat down as the tears began spilling again. It wasn't until she heard the soft footsteps of her son that she began to pick herself up and begin another day.

 **Manhattan, NY**

Edward just step foot into the house that he unhappily shared with his wife. He knew the way that he left things with Bella was wrong, but now he was in even more trouble. Not only was Tanya nagging him about his monthly trips and starting a family, but his mom and sister were too. Edward walked up the stairs in their two-bedroom brownstone and went to the room that he shared with his wife for the past 6 years. Tanya was sitting on the bed with a white stick in her hand. From previous experience, Edward automatically knew what she was holding.

Edward cautiously asked "Tanya, what's wrong?"

Tanya looked at Edward and replied "Its positive. We're having a baby."

Edward "What?"

Tanya smiled tearily "We're finally going to be a family."

Edward looked at Tanya shocked. The last thing he needed was for Tanya to tell him that she was pregnant and he is pretty sure about the conception date. The one time he had a fight with Bella and got drunk after missing Masen's birthday and took comfort in his wife. Edward groaned and walked out the door. After getting into his car, he called his best friend, Jasper, who also happened to be dating his sister.

Jasper "What's up, Edward? You back in town yet?"

Edward "Jasper, I'm in some deep trouble. Can we meet at the spot?"

Jasper "Yeah. I'm on my way."

Waiting in the bar with drink in hand, Edward was nervous. Things with Bella were already shaky and the ring that he bought her to propose was sitting in a safe in his office. He wanted to be in Washington with the love of his life and their son, but he still had yet to let Tanya or his family know that he was leaving her or the fact that he had another family. Edward was shaken out of his thoughts as Jasper sat down.

Jasper "What's up? You sounded down on the phone. Everything okay?"

Edward replied "Tanya's pregnant."

Jasper "Really? Damn. How in the hell are you gonna explain this one to Bella? You and Tanya were supposed to have been done months ago."

Edward "Jasper, I messed up and when Bella finds out she is going to take my kids and leave. She's already extremely emotional due to this pregnancy, but to find out that Tanya is expecting too, Bella is gonna flip. She keeps asking me to choose and I don't know what to do."

Jasper "Do you love Bella and Masen?"

Edward "Of course I do. I have never met anyone like her and she brought me my son. She gave me the life that I have always wanted and I don't want to let it go."

Jasper "Then do right by them, Edward. Divorce Tanya and go be with Bella and your children. Your parents and Alice will understand. Emmett won't care. You can do the business from anywhere and you have been talking about opening a location in Seattle. Maybe now is your chance. Call Jenks and have him draw up the papers."

Edward "That's the thing. Jenks drew up the papers three months ago. I just haven't given them to Tanya yet."

Jasper "I can't tell you what to do, Edward. I can only give you advice and your heart is in Washington with a beautiful woman and your son. Someone is going to get hurt and my guess would be that Bella doesn't deserve this. You both went into this relationship knowing everything it entailed, but its been five years. Masen is getting to a point where he probably is questioning why you are never there like all the other parents. Do you want that for your daughter as well?"

Edward "No. I want to be there. I missed Masen's first steps and his first word. I would like to be there for my daughter but how in the hell am I supposed to be successful with this move in Seattle before she comes."

Jasper "You can start by giving Tanya those divorce papers and moving out of that house. You can stay with me and Alice until you get your affairs in order, but Bella is not gonna wait around forever, Edward. If you don't do something now, you will lose her."

Edward pondered everything that Jasper just told him before shooting a text to his parents asking to come over to talk. It was time to come clean about Bella and Masen. With Alice and Emmett living in New York as well, Edward would be able to get this done in a few hours before returning home that was the shit storm that was bound to be Tanya when she found out.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Sorry that it has taken me so long to get this chapter to you guys. I was blown away by the reviews and appreciate the love from everyone. Again, I own nothing.**

 **Manhattan, New York**

EPOV

Waiting for everyone to settle down has been a challenge. Jasper was here to lend his support, but this was my mess and it was time for me to come clean. With a glass of scotch in my hand, I cleared my throat to get everyone's attention.

"Edward, why did you ask us all to meet here?" my mother, Esme, asked as she leaned on my father, Carlisle, who was looking at me suspiciously.

 **"** This is a little hard for me to explain, so I am just going to say what I need to say with no interruptions. All of your questions will be answered at the end and in advance, I apologize for anyone that I may have hurt" I said as I looked at my sister, Alice, who was a friend of Tanya's.

"Edward, what's up bro? Just tell us. I'm sure its not that bad." my brother, Emmett, tried to joke.

I looked at Emmett with a sorrowful look on my face. The moment of truth has finally come.

"Five years ago, I took a trip to Washington for a business conference and it was there that I met a woman. She was so beautiful and I was captivated by her. She knew who I was and that I was married, afterall it was her job, but I pursued her for months until she finally gave me a chance. We started an affair, but we were never supposed to fall in love. We fell in love and it is intense, magical, and I can't imagine a life without. Bella is the woman of my dreams and she is very compassionate about everything. During one of my phone calls with her, I could tell that something was off and she refused to tell me. She didn't answer the phone for days so I hopped on a plane and went to go see her. We got in an argument because Bella continued to deny that anything was wrong until I found her papers from the doctor. She was pregnant."

There was a gasp among the woman. I finally looked up to see the shocked faces of everyone besides Jasper. Alice, my mom, and Rosalie, Emmett's wife, were crying.

"Our son, Masen, was born and I barely made it in time for his birth. He's three now and so smart. After Masen was born, everything was going perfect until I had to come back home to Tanya. Bella never held any contempt for Tanya, but I knew that sooner or later that I would have to make a choice. I kept putting it off until now. Bella is 6 months pregnant with our daughter and I don't want to continue this that way I have. She deserves better and I want to give her the life that she should have. I don't want her to have to worry about whether she can take care of my kids alone or not. I should be there. I'm divorcing Tanya and I want Bella and Masen to come to New York. I can't be away from them anymore. I've missed important events in Masen's life so far and I refuse to do the same when my daughter gets here."

I took a chance to look at everyone and saw different emotions. Emmett and Rose was smiling, no surprise there since they hated Tanya. Jasper was neutral because he has heard it all when he first caught wind of the affair. He's not a bad guy, he's just a really good friend. Alice was trying her best not to cry. I knew Tanya would hear about this before the end of the week, with Alice being her friend and all. My parents had a look of disappointment across their faces and I knew it was because they have never raised me like this. They had a beautiful marriage and we were raised with values.

"Edward, how...how could you do that to Tanya? Why would you carry on an affair with this woman for five years when you have a wife at home? Tanya loves you." my sister said.

"Not that I have to explain myself to you, but it wasn't something that I planned. It was just something that happend and I am glad that I did. Tanya and I lasted a year before I realized that she doesn't make me happy. We got married on a whim because it was what was expected and we have made it work. Bella and Masen makes me happy." I explained as I looked at everyone in the room.

"Well, I really don't care what you did as long as we can finally get rid of the gold digger." Rose said making Jasper and Emmett laugh.

"Rosalie!" Esme scolded.

"I want to meet this woman, who has captivated your heart. I want to meet my grandson and I want you to set it up by the end of the week. I will get a hold of Jenks and have him draw up the papers to serve to Tanya, but be very sure that this what you want, Edward." Carlisle announced shocking everyone.

"Dad, you can't be serious! Edward cheated on Tanya! He has children with another woman and you're helping him to get a quickie divorce so he can be with her! What about Tanya?!" Alice exclaimed angrily.

"Mary Alice Cullen, when Alice brings this woman and their son, who is your nephew, to meet this family, you will respect her or there will be dire consequences. Yes, they went about this situation wrong and yes, they are people who will be hurt, but your brother has made his decision and you will honor it." Carlisle told his daughter.

"Yes sir." Alice replied solemnly.

Edward took out his phone and noticed that he had no missed calls. He sent a text to Bella before turning his attention back towards his family.

"So Edward, when do we get to meet this beautiful woman and your adorable son?" Emmett asked.

"This weekend. Just let me put some things in motion first before you guys start bombarding her. She's not used to a big family as an only child and I don't want to scare her." Edward explained.

"Where are her parents, Edward?" Rosalie asked.

"Her parents died a few months before we met. In reality, Masen and I are all she really has left." I explained.

"Don't worry, Edward. We will love her as one of our own. She will be respected and loved by all of us." Esme said pointedly looking at Alice, who was unusually silent.

"When are you going to break the news to Tanya?" Jasper asked.

"I don't know." I replied honestly. This was going to be the most difficult conversation I ever had with my wife, especially since now that she was pregnant, which to be honest, I'm not even sure is mine since we haven't slept together since that one drunken night. Finishing off my scotch, I knew that there was a long road ahead and I just hoped that there weren't too many obstacles in the way of my happiness with Bella, Masen, and our unborn daughter. With the company about to go public, I hope this bit of news won't bring any bad publicity.

 **Forks, Washington**

Watching Masen on the swing set that hung in our background, I contemplated a lot of things. Will I always be right here waiting for Edward to acknowlege us? Will his family ever accept us? Things were just so hectic right now and I couldn't believe how I had let myself stay in this situation for so long. My thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing for the third time that day and I ignored it knowing that it was Edward calling. Ever since Edward left, I have been ignoring his calls. What more could he possibly have to say? Instead of spending time with me and his son, he chooses to answer his wife's phone call.

"Be careful, honey!" I called out to Masen as he began to climb the jungle gym. Even as an only child right now, Masen was full of energy.

"Mommy, look!" Masen called.

"Good boy! You want some ice cream!" I yelled out thinking we could take a short trip to the ice cream parlor across town. It was a nice day outside and I didn't want to be stuck inside of the house.

"Yeah!" Masen screamed as he ran towards me. " I love you, Mommy."

Tears welled up in my eyes.

"I love you too, baby. Now let's go before the shop gets busy."

Grabbing my keys and purse, I made sure that the doors were locked before leaving the house. If I knew that today would be the day that my life would change, I would have answered the phone when Edward called. I would have told him that I loved him and I would have told him that we would be okay.

 **Manhattan, New York**

 _ **Piccolo Cafe**_

Sitting in the cafe sipping on a cup of coffee, I waited as my associate came through and sat down. He lived in Washington and was in town, but he knew my husband. If he wasn't so good in bed, I wouldn't have even bothered, but he was friends with the woman that Edward believed he was in love with. Isabella Swan. She was just a plain Jane and Edward was like a model from a GQ magazine. Why he would be interested into her was beyond me? If Jacob is here to give me some bad news, then we will have some problems. It wasn't long before he sat down and gave me a kiss on my cheek with an orange envelope sitting between us.

"Did you get the pictures?" I asked him impatiently.

"I got everything that you asked for. The guy I hired should be completing the job as we speak." Jacob replied.

"Can I see them?" I asked impatiently.

"Yeah. Tanya, why do you hate Bella so much? She hasn't done anything." Jacob asked.

"She took my husband from me and gave him children. Why are you betraying her?" Tanya replied.

"I have my reasons, but using my sister's pregnancy test to trick him into staying with you is just devious, Tanya. How are you gonna explain when you don't begin to show?" Jacob replied.

"I got everything planned, Jacob. You worry too much. Relax. Live a little." Tanya replied casually.

Tanya took the envelope and took out the pictures. She was shocked by the look on her husband's face. He was smiling and it actually reached his eyes. Bella was pregnant and Masen was sitting between his parents. They looked like a perfect family and Tanya was out to ruin that. An evil smile planted itself on to her face. Things were just about to get interesting.

 **A/N: Please review and let me know your opinions. Next chapter, we find exactly what happened to Bella and Masen and Edward's reaction. We also find out how Tanya reacts to Edward's revelation.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Forks, Washington (BPOV)**

I was in pain and not just any pain. My daughter was kicking me extremely hard and I opened my eyes looking for Mason. My son, my beautiful son, was trying to wake me up and I instantly felt guilty. Here I was supposed to be protecting him and I didn't even know where we were.

"Its okay, Mason. Mommy's awake now." I told him trying to soothe his fears. I wasn't sure that it would work. I sat up and pulled my son towards me as I heard footsteps and then the door opening. The person that I saw standing there watching me shocked me more than anything in my entire life did. It was Sam Uley, Jacob's friend from the reservation. The look on his face was one of pure hatred and I was truly frightened for me and my children's lives.

"Well, look who decided to grace us with her presence. I've been waiting for hours for you to wake up. The accident didn't cause any damage although you should be in a little pain thanks to my splendid driving." Sam said to me.

"Sam? What the hell is going on? Why are we here?" I asked him, trying not to panic. I hope that he was not trying to take revenge on me for having turn down his offer of a date a few months ago.

"I'm just helping out a friend. Don't worry. Nothing will happen to your precious babies. I don't know who you pissed off , but they clearly want you out of the picture." Sam replied.

"Sam, please. Just let me and my son go. You don't have to do this and I won't say anything." I pleaded with him. My son was terrified and crying and I was unsure about what to do.

"Sorry, Bella. This time, those beautiful brown eyes of yours won't do the trick. Besides, the money I'm getting paid for this job will do wonders for me. I can't help you. Not this time." Sam replied before walking back out the door.

"Mommy, I want my daddy." Mason cried on my shoulder. "I know, honey. I want your Daddy too." I replied looking around the basement that had become our new surroundings. How could a beautiful day spent bonding with my son turn into our worst nightmare and the fact that my daughter wouldn't stop moving around was causing me to be on alert as well. I wonder what Edward was doing.

 _ **At the scene of the accident**_

A guy dressed in an emaculate suit with blonde hair and blue eyes stepped out of the black unmarked SUV with his partner and walked over to the scene of the crime. They dealt with kidnappings and children, so they had no idea why they were even called in for this case.

"Detective Newton...Detective Crowley, I'm glad you were able to make it. I wasn't sure if you were needed, but the evidence clearly depicts that this was a staged accident and they successfully kidnap a little boy and his mother. " the police officer on the scene told of the events that they so far collected from evidence.

"Do we know the identities of the victims?" Detective Crowley asked as they surveyed the scene.

"Yes. Isabella Swan and her son, Mason Cullen. There's one problem in this situation. " the police officer said.

"What?" Detective Newton asked.

"Isabella is 6 months pregnant. There is no suspects as of right now, but Ms. Swan's purse was found on the scene along with this card. " the police officer announced as he handed Detective Newton the card that apparently held Edward's information on it.

"I want you to send a team to Ms. Swan's address and check the place out. Question the neighbors, friends, anybody that may know what happened here." Detective Crowley told the officer.

"I'm going to give this Edward guy a call and see if he might know what happened." Detective Newton said to his partner before walking off in the opposite direction.

 **Manhattan, New York (EPOV)**

Walking through the door of my townhouse, I couldn't believe the reaction from my family. I thought they would have been angry with me, well Alice was, but that was to be expected. Tanya was her friend before she became my wife. Speaking of Tanya, I knew the moment that I told her that I wanted a divorce things was going to change. No matter if she was pregnant or not, I couldn't stay in a loveless marriage. Reaching my bedroom, Tanya was sitting at her vanity getting ready for bed.

"Tanya, we need to talk." I said to her. This was the moment of truth.

"What's wrong, Edward?" she asked.

"Tanya..." the moment was interrupted by the sound of my cellphone ringing to an unknown number. I hesitantly picked up the phone.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Is this Edward Cullen?" the person on the other end of the line asked.

"Who is this?" Edward questioned.

"This is Detective Mike Newton. Do you know an Isabella Swan and Masen Cullen?" asked the detective.

"Yes, I do. Has something happened?" Edward asked worried.

"I'm afraid that there's been an accident." Mike said.

"Are Bella and Mason alright? Are they hurt?" I asked.

"Who is Bella and Mason?" Tanya asked me but was shut down when I sent a glare her way.

"We were hoping you could tell us. Its obvious that she was in a car accident, but they seem to be missing. There is evidence of a struggle." Mike replied.

"WHAT!" Edward yelled. His heart was breaking into a million pieces and he was hundreds of miles away. "I can be on the first flight out of New York within an hour." Edward replied.

"That's great. I can have a car pick you up at the airport. See you soon, Edward." Mike replied before hanging up the phone. Edward put his phone in his pocket before looking at Tanya and running out the bedroom to get to his car, Tanya straight on his heels.

"Edward, what the hell is going on?"

"I have to go to Washington. I have to get to Bella and Mason." Edward replied hysterically searching for his car keys.

"Who the hell is Bella and Mason?" Tanya asked but was met with silence. "Edward, who is Bella and Mason?" Tanya asked again.

"Bella and I have been dating for the past 5 years and Mason is our son. I'm sorry you had to find out this way, Tanya, but I have to go. I want you to sign the divorce papers. I love her and my son and there is no changing my mind about it. They're in danger and Bella is pregnant again. Just don't fight me on this." Edward pleaded before walking out the door, keys in hand. Tanya stood in the doorway, tears rolling down her face as her husband raced out of their home to go save another woman. As soon as Edward's car was a safe distance away, a evil smile flew across her face. Edward was in for a rude awakening. Taking out her cellphone, she sent a text to Jacob that read: _**Edward is on his way. Make it very painful, but leave the kid alone. Once we're done, I will have a son and a new baby girl. Keep low for awhile.**_ Tanya laid her phone on the table before closing the door and walking back to her bedroom. Things were looking up for Tanya Denali-Cullen.

 **A/N:** **I know that I haven't updated in awhile and hopefully things will go back to the ways they were after real life kicked me in the butt. I just hope that my readers can have a little patience with me. Please review and let me know your opinions.**


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